Writer's Block
by JustJeanette
Summary: An Answer to the Writer's Block Challenge on WIKTT. One-shot, complete.


Anti-litigation charm; JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe, to her we bow. Warner Brothers and Various Publishers also have their own rights. We are just playing in their backyard and we promise to clean up when we have finished.  
  
In answer to the Writer's Block Challenge on WIKTT.  
  
For Lily Malfoy.  
  
* * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * *  
  
Hermione Granger sat at her desk, a rather pensive look on her face. She was, surprise, surprise stuck for an idea.  
  
Lavender Brown had first introduced Hermione to that wonderful world of WIKTT. Of course Lavender's introduction had been something along the lines of, "Ewwwwwww, to think someone, some-when, actually thinks that anyone would like that greasy, overgrown bat in the dungeons, let alone that it would be you."  
  
Hermione had acted suitable distressed at the idea, even going so far as to say I'd rather eat mashed potatoes and muffins. The truth of the matter was far from it however. She, who excelled at everything she set he mind to, had realised early on the she had a major league crush on the Greasy Git in the Dungeons. So having found WIKTT, she camped there; the chats were great, who'd have thought that so many people wanted her and Severus to be together, and Oh the ways they did it. Those challenges, well it was about time she put her formidable mind to the task of answering one, and as she had never had Writer's Block in her life she thought that would be the best option. 'No one would believe it was me,' she giggled to herself, her computi-quill in hand.  
  
That was two days ago, since then she had not actually managed to get a word down on parchment; to distracted thinking about ways to get Severus involved in an orgy in her mouth. "Damn those rules," she groaned out loud.  
  
"What rules?" Lavender queried walking back into the girl's dormitory.  
  
"Nothing," Hermione prevaricated.  
  
"Look girl it's too fine a day to be sitting here doing homework. Your testosterone laden fan club has left for Hogsmeade so why don't you join us girls for once?" Indicating Pavarti standing by, "The Weasley's have a new shipment in."  
  
'God's it can't be worse than sitting around waiting for inspiration,' she thought. Jumping up and grabbing her purse. Maybe an afternoon in the company of Lavender and Pavarti was just what she needed, after all retail therapy was supposed to be the cure-all for a girl.  
  
Walking into Hogsmeade, Hermione spotted Ron and Harry attempting to chat up one of the bar-maids from Three Broomsticks. "Boys," all three girls said in unison.  
  
Looking towards the local Flourish and Blotts with a yearning eye Hermione was steered towards Weasley's Wizardly Wheezes, the Best Joke Shop around. She was surprised to see Professor Snape walking out of the store, his robes flying behind him though no breeze was felt. 'Damn, that man has anime robes," she thought. 'He could give Lockhart lessons on Dramatic Poses,' a giggle escaped her as she pictured the dour Potions Master attempting to teach Gilderoy Lockhart anything.  
  
"Wonder what he's been buying?" Lavender asked with a twinkle in her eye, "Maybe a Moaning Myrtle?" She giggled thinking about the latest in gentlemen's dolls.  
  
Hermione, familiar with the real Moaning Myrtle, had great difficultly in not throwing up in the streets on that though. 'Oh I could be his doll,' she sighed to herself.  
  
Following Lavender and Pavarti onto the Joke shop she passed quite close to the Potions Master, in fact she engineered a decorous bump into the man of her dreams. Severus looked down quickly to see which student had run into him, surprised to feel a hand pressed against his groin as the student attempted to right them self. Whatever he expected to see it was not the infamous Hermione Granger grabbing a quick feel. Worse, his body was only too happy to be on the receiving end of such a caress.  
  
"Miss Granger." He snapped, in an attempt to cover up his 're-ection'.  
  
Hermione Granger looked up into a pair of startled black eyes and was pleased to note a slight shifting under her hands, "Professor?" She queried him, whilst steadying herself against his chest. 'Who would have thought he had such muscle under there?' She though as her other hand glided across the fabric of his ubiquitous white dress shirt.  
  
Lavender, having completely missed the by-play, called Hermione into the shop with a quick, "Hey you should look at these phallasticles."  
  
'I am looking,' thought Hermione, her close encounter of Seviephallus kind still sense touching her. 'Oh well, let's see what Lavender is on about,' she continue to muse, 'may this will get me out of my writers frump.'  
  
Lavender in the meantime had headed directly to the back of the store were the 'large adult display' could be found. 'Why they had to have a statue of Hagrid in the store still puzzled her, but what they hey, this was the best bit of the shop. "Come on Hermione, Pavarti, looks like they've got some new special sin, oops I mean special's in." She giggled at her minor Freudian slip.  
  
The back section of the store was jam packed with under-age wizards pointedly ignoring the *Adult Section* signs. George and Fred, never ones to get in the way of good wholesome trade and practical jokery ignored the 'under-agedness'   
  
of their customers.  
  
"Hermione Granger, fancy seeing you here." Said Fred, or was it George. "We haven't yet perfected the joke-book, though we do have something new that might interest you ladies: Weasley's Weekend Wonder-bath, total relaxation at your finger-tips."  
  
"Ohhhhh," sighed Lavender loudly, "Bubbles?"  
  
"But of course. Not just any bubbles mind you, these will show you the man of your dreams, just the way you'd like him."  
  
"We've got to get a bottle." Pavarti gushed, before looking into her purse.  
  
Hermione was a little more circumspect. Privacy was something of a problem and if those bubbles were to show the man of her dreams just the way she's like him, well let's just say that Lavender and Pavarti would be in counselling for the rest of their lives. None the less she still left with a bottle (or two or three). Noting the new range of candies available she grabbed a bag or two of those as well. 'Maybe having something to suck on will get the collective juices flowing'.  
  
Returning to Hogwart's, candies on hand, Hermione returned to her room hoping that the small amount of retail therapy would be enough get her mind working. Two hours later, the parchment still blank, Hermione was ready to give up. "Looks like this writing stuff is harder than I thought, or maybe it's just I haven't done enough research." Thinking on research, and the bottle of bubbles Hermione decided that enough was enough and maybe a quiet bath would help. Not wanting to be disturbed she grabbed candies, towels, books, notepaper and bubble bath and headed for Moaning Myrtle's neck of the castle. 'No one in their right mind will expect to fond Hermione Granger bathing in that room,' she thought and I can always silence Myrtle.  
  
For some perverse reason (the author of this fic didn't want her floating around) Myrtle was actually attending the weekly Hogwart's Ghosts Association meeting today, this left the bath room free for Hermione to use. Setting the water running hot she poured a generous dollop of bubble bath into the deep tub. The bubbles quickly began to form, and rather than showing her images on the fragile surfaces as she had expected the bubbles quickly formed into the image of Severus Snape, naked as a new born babe; and as erect as she could ever have imagined.  
  
Hermione nearly fainted at the sight before her. Severus Snape in all hid formidable glory lay atop the bath water; his normally sardonic grin turning cheekily upwards. "Now what do we have here," the bubbles purred in a fair imitation of the man himself. "Ahhhh, entertainment." The bubble man then reached forward and drew Hermione into the bath with him.  
  
*  
  
Weeeeeeeeee Thunk*  
  
*  
  
It was at that precise moment that Hermione heard from the corridor the collected voices of Ron, Harry, Lavender and Professor Snape. "I told you I heard the most frightful moaning coming through the pipes." Harry was saying.  
  
"What like the time of your delusional second year." Professor Snape answered back caustically.  
  
Fearing the worst Hermione did what any other self-respecting girl in a similar situation would have done. She tried to smother the bubbles down, even going so far as to eat a few. It was with a mouthful of bubble that Lavender found her, she being the first to walk into the bathroom.  
  
Hermione panicking grabbed the bottle of Weasley's Wizardly phallasticles and waved them around. "Oh my god, these are soooo good, the more you suck them the larger they get." She said rather stupidly.  
  
Ron and Harry look disconcerted as they walked in behind Lavender. Professor Snape just smiled at the discomfiture of Hermione Granger.  
  
Lavender having seen more of the bubble form that the males that accompanied her nearly fainted. "Hermione what have you go there? And please don't let it be what I think it is?"  
  
"Weasley's phallasticles." Hermione answered, hoping that Lavender had not seen too much, hoping even more so that the males that had entered behind her had seen even less.   
  
" Ewwww girl, what the hell are you doing with those, I mean the children... My god won't somebody think of the children. Stop playing with Weasley's phallasticles you don't know where they have been." Lavender cried, totally spacing out on the thought that she has seen a naked Snape. 'Weasley's phallasticles, my arse.' She thought.  
  
Severus said in a dry voice, "Don't worry I have the perfect cure for an attack of Weasley's phallasticles. Miss Granger you may join me in Detention."  
  
'Yes please', the girl in question thought. Her mind otherwise engaged allowed her mouth its WIKTT way, "Don't you mean ATTENTION." She found herself saying with a rather pointed look at Severus' robes.  
  
Lavender noticing the direction of Hermione's gaze said, "Way to go girl, ooohhh what a way to go." Before falling into a dead faint.  
  
"Mr Potter, Mr Weasley suggest that you assist you fallen housemate to return to her rooms." Professor Snape said, his eyes never leaving Hermione's bubble filled mouth. "And let Professor McGonagall know that Miss Granger is serving detention with me."  
  
Hermione unable to believe her ears watched as Ron and Harry left, carrying Lavender between them. She turned a bright shade of red when she realise that she was now lying naked in a bath; the remains of bubble Severus coating her, leaving just the right amount to Severus' imagination. "I believe Miss Granger that you have some explaining to do." The man of her dreams purred as he stepped closer to the bath.  
  
Angry at her plight, and just a touch on the 'excited' side she grabbed the small table beside the bath and threw it with all her might at the approaching Professor. Severus ducked agilely aside not realising Hermione's ultimate goal. Whilst he was concentrating on the table, she was concentrating on his legs.  
  
"How was your trip, Sir." She said, as Severus was caught off guard and tripped into the bath. "I hope you enjoy the fall." A grin of pure delight dancing across her features, before returning and parking there as Severus lunged forward and grabbed her tightly.  
  
*  
  
* Weeeeeeee and again  
  
*  
  
Neither Severus nor Hermione were seen for three hours. During this time Hermione was engaged in intensive research; "Enquiring minds want to know, Sir.' She said by way of explanation as her compu-quill traced his jaw line.  
  
As Severus fell into a sated sleep, Hermione grabbed her parchment and began to write furiously. "On a dark and stormy night. . ." 


End file.
